To fall in love twice?
To have feelings for someone you used to love? Is it right? Is it wrong? To know just how perfect it is, and still tell yourself that it could never happen again.. To conflict between what you feel is right and what you know is wrong. Everyday you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind is her. Possibly the person you’ve texted the most in weeks. To have to sit around her and act like her friend, but really. You want something more, anything would suffice. And it pains you to watch and hear about anyone else…
That’s how hopeless i’am. I’m sad, i’m a disgrace of the man i once was. I’m nothing i could possibly ever be.
aj rafael - she was mine
I can’t help it. I’ve always had feelings for this girl and everything I do just isn’t good enough. I try so much and I think I’m just not doing anything right. I’ve screwed up all my chances and trying to make things work just sucks. I think about her everyday and whenever I do, I get butterflies. I get light headed, my heart sinks, my knees shake, my skin tingles, and I can hear my own heart beating in my ears. I can’t help but stare, you’re beautiful complexion just awes me, it draws my only two tools of sight into you’re direction, fixed on your image. You’re always so talkative, and it’s just easy and comfortable to have a conversation with you. We enjoy so many of the same things; dancing, video games, having a fun ass time with the buddies, etc etc. It just amazes me how much I even feel for you, it scares the shit out of me as well. It’s too bad you’ll never read this, you’ll never know how much I feel for you. How sad it must be that I can put this on the internet, but I can’t even say it to you in person, because I’m scared if that awkward silence, scared we’ll never be friends again, never talk, never see, never think. And at the same time… I’ll never hold you, never get the chance to tell you how much I feel, never get that one shot that I really need to show you just how much I want this. I’m a failure at heart, but giving up is something I’ll never do.
What do you do when the women you love, doesn’t even acknowledge you and your existence.
Well, today was pretty interesting. Totally bombed my English final, spent the whole day writing short stories and poetry, and then to top it all off, had the most awkward conversation that I’ve had in awhile. I guess stupid thoughts result in some of the worst outcomes. But it was just some sort of phase (hopefully). I just know deep down, what I was feeling wasn’t a lie, people say you can’t control who you fall for, and I believe I had just experienced it first-hand. Now that it is all said and done, and the problems been resolved, everything will settle back into normality, but I know somewhere in the back of my mind, I won’t forget how I felt or how I thought of you. The person I wrote about is probably the only person who reads my Tumblr… Lol, that is one way of finding out how a guy feels, “stalk his tumblr posts and he is bound to put something up about you”. Whether it is good or bad it is bound to show up here. Well, everything will be normal after a good-night-sleep so hopefully when I wake up, I will have forgotten about all this shit and just move on. Maybe, there is still hope for me but only time will tell.
Life right now seems so dull. I hate it, the only thing I’m looking forward to is winter break so that when you come back I can get to hang out with you and see you. Too bad I shouldn’t be. It feels so wrong to like you, but at the same time I can’t help it. I constantly find myself think about you… and it just saddens me that you’ll never know. Everything in my life is complete shit, I don’t wanna be here. I don’t know where I belong or where I’m even going in life.
I’d ask God for help, but I don’t believe in things that don’t exist.
That awkward moment when you feel some sort of attractive interests towards one of your friends that you would never expect to ever like. Not only is she someone you’re pretty good friends with, she is someone who is in a relationship with someone else. They’re madly in love and you don’t even think about that factor when you have feelings for her. I hate it, knowing that she is with someone else and will never even know that I feel for her when she is just hanging out with me, or just casually talking like friends. It’s crazy what one moment in time can do to you. Too bad, I guess I should just forget about it or something, it is such a stupid thought to even cross my mind. I’ll just smoke it off.
You may not know this, but you’re more to me than what you may think. I’m sorry for lusting you.
I hate seeing an ex that is doing better than I am. They’re back in a relationship that has lasted longer than mine and just basically overall more successful. I get so jealous and I feel like crap whenever I think back to how we used to be. I imagine myself still with her; still happy, still living the life we could of shared together. If I didn’t have to go and be an idiot and ruin everything in the first place, maybe some of my relationships would of lasted longer if I wasn’t so selfish and greedy. (maybe I would still be in one…)
I’m sick of being alone all the time, when is it my turn to be happy??